We named our party play list daddy issues
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
