The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize