I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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