Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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