Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
