Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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