I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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