I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
