I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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