We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
