I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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