Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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