god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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