"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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