The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
do herpes really smell.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
