when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize