guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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