I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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