I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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