Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
