If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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