Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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