this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize