Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
