woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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