Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
