So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
