A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
