A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
