Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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