just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
