She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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