You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i think i just lost a toe
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
