The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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