I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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