did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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