Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
