Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
