I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
