genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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