she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
