I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
