idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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