did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
