Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
