There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
