I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
