What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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