Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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