quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
