If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
