I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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