we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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