the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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