Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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