could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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