i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I understand Curling. That high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize