i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize