The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
