Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
