Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I enjoy the company of your penis
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
