I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am naked and annoyed.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
