I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the day after is always just damage control
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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