I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize