Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
even my farts smell like vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My vagina is officially offended.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
