I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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