Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
