He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
