I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize