Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
