She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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