I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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