Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
