I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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