I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
