i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
