I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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