Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
