waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
