i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
