I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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