in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize