Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
