I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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