Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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