I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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