hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
