I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
