He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
