I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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