Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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