If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
