I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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