Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
