I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
