matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Small penises have feelings too.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
