im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he shaved USA in his pubs
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
