if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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