I wannas sexs uuuuu
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
