You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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