My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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