I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
