My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
