Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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