I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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