I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
