hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
