Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
