i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
