you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
