is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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