I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
