I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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